The Many Hats We Wear

Sometimes when I write, I don’t know where to begin. There are times when I don’t brush my teeth at night. I crack myself up sometimes, but honestly, nobody else thinks I’m that funny, really. I still feel like at 25, my handwriting is sloppy sometimes. And just rarely, on a funky day, I just want to be invisible. 

And the biggest monster….the ugliest one that chases me at night….
You are not worthy. 
Yep. It slithers into the night when I’m trying to find my rest, and tries to sabotage the peace. It wraps around all my dreams, hopes, and problems…and squeezes. 
Despite the melodramatic introduction, I’m a pretty joyful gal! I was made a naturally happy, peaceful, and glad girl. 
My strength and joy is in the Lord, and praise Him for that! 
It seems that the more the Lord fulfills in my life, the harder the Father of Lies’ blows come. In my work, relationships, hobbies, talents, and in myself, I fail. Often. It makes sense that the more the Lord is glorified, the more furiously Satan tries to tear it down. 
Tonight, my Mama made me proud! And she honored the Lord for sure. I’m one lucky gal. She supplemented a women’s retreat by speaking about the roles women are often expected to play. In short, every role, whether it is a mother, wife, sister, teacher, soldier, tax worker, nurse, aunt, and any other role, it feels like you have to be perfect. I get uncomfortable when younger girls say I’m perfect in the way I look, my body, my hair, my smile, my boyfriend, yadayadayada. It may seem that way, but sorry…..it is so false that it belongs in an eyelash package. I wish I weren’t seen that way. But, hey, a girl can dream. 

Lately, I’ve been battling the sin of unbelief. It comes in so many forms, like “You are not worthy to be…….loved, respected, enjoyed, cherished, valued, honored…” And what’s worse? Sometimes it morphs into “You will never be worthy.”
What a battle. What roles we have to fill. The many hats we fill. Good thing Jesus Christ has solved and beaten this problem of unbelief. When we can’t figure it out? Jesus did. He is always the truer and better version of anyone who came before Him and after Him, including us. 
So, what do we do when we are beaten to a pulp by insecurity and worthlessness? Jesus. Let’s talk about and to Jesus. Our God is unique, colorful, and eclectic. We are made in His image, therefore, we are unique. And it makes perfect sense: Only our unique God can fufill the unique purpose for which we were made. Only our worthy God can make us worthy. He made us to fill roles nobody else can. He makes us worthy…hallelujah….
One of my favorite lines from a story is from Louisa May Alcott’s well known story, Little Women. Jo, the lanky, different, unique girl is frustrated that she doesn’t fit in (I am Jo, yes, I am!) and feels like she can’t do anything right since she doesn’t live up to society’s expectations of her. Her loving Marmee comforts her by saying this: “My dear child, you have so many extraordinary gifts! How can you expect to live an ordinary life?” 
Wow. Reminds me of Jesus. He came to earth as an ordinary man, but my, oh, my…was He extraordinary. He Himself, the Majestic made man, The Holy made homely, said these captivating words….”Do not call common what the Lord has made clean.” (Acts 10:15)
If the Lord has washed you in His blood, and made you whole, and clean, and redeemed again….YOU ARE EXTRAORDINARY! Humble, but extraordinary! Only you can do the tasks the Lord has set before you. Only you can walk the path He has fixed you upon, in the way only you and He can. You are valued….you are worthy, you are precious..and cherished. Say these things to our sweet Jesus before you sleep tonight. He is our best friend and adores hearing these words! Just like we become full, satisfied, while, and clean when He proves it to us. 
I rebuke your chains of worthlessness and insecurity. I banish them from your spirit in Jesus’ name. 
Dance! We are free! 

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